My love life with my husband has always been… what’s the best way to say this… on point. 🙂 However, I was concerned how surgery was going to affect our sex life and how soon we could resume intimacy after the big day. But I realized there wasn’t much on the internet about this topic, nor did I get much information from my physicians. So here is my probably TMI attempt to tackle this somewhat taboo topic.
I first began my inquiry into this topic during my first surgical consultation. My mother attended the session with me and the surgeon was flabbergasted that I wanted serious answers to my questions in front of her. (We have an incredibly open relationship, and she was just as curious as I was how this was going to change things for my husband and I since we were newlyweds.) After assuring him, yet again, that I was serious, he finally responded with what I considered a stock answer. “You can resume sexual activities when you feel ready.”
Okay, so when would that be?? And really, let’s talk specifics. What positions and acts would be off limits, how would it feel to orgasm, would my new body affect my confidence in the bedroom?
Before surgery, my husband and I probably had sex 2-4 times a week, with somewhat varied positions. Overall, I would characterize our B.S. (before surgery) sex life as fantastic. I am insanely lucky to have a husband who made me feel sexy at any size. In fact, he loves curvy women, so I actually had some concerns whether he would still find me as attractive after surgery. (A concern that was definitely ill-founded.)
It turns out that for the first week A.S. (after surgery) I had no desire to do anything sexual. I was terrified to do anything because of the pain. Simply trying to sit up was excruciating, so I couldn’t even imagine the thought of orgasming and having all my stomach muscles contract. (And orgasming during sex with my husband is an almost certainty.) But on day eight A.S., it turned out that “I felt ready,” and we tried intercourse for the first time.
We had talked a lot about it during our daily walks, and decided to choose a modified missionary position so that there was no concern about rubbing my new incisions. We were able to do it for a little while, but there was no completion for either of us. Although just being intimate was special.
We were able to have sex to completion by the following week, but an orgasm didn’t come for me until approximately one month after surgery. While it was scary leading up to it, it turned out that my stomach muscles were healed more by then and it didn’t hurt at all. In the initial month period we continued to choose modified missionary positions or doggy style to avoid any issues with my incisions. Since the first month, our sex life has been i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e. We have been able to do more now that I have a littler body, especially in terms of positions. Sex is also more athletic. Moreover, my confidence has skyrocketed, which has allowed me to take a more active role in the bedroom – a bonus for my husband. It definitely took some time to work our way up, but I’d have to say that surgery has definitely impacted our sex life for the better.
The one drawback from surgery has been that while the quality has increased, the frequency has most certainly decreased. Between the initial fatigue after surgery, and being caught up with trying to remember to take all my protein, vitamins, do my walks, workout, eat, etc., I just haven’t had the energy to do it as much as I used to. However, I have noticed that getting better and better each week, so I’m hopeful we will be back to normal in that department soon. It has only been ten or so weeks since surgery. And, I’m absolutely having fun working at this.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
xoxo – SavvySleever